SO COLLEGE

experimentation gone bad

2006-08-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

08 girl: so first of all, i'm allergic to mango skin. so sticking one up my vagina just wouldn't work.

Only At Dartmouth...

2006-04-23T17:58:00.000-07:00

Guy: I can't believe my wallet got stolen.
Girl: Why don't you just buy a new one?
Guy: Because that would require me to go all the way to J.Crew.

santa would be jealous

2006-04-15T21:08:00.000-07:00

in the back of a 4x4

boy: [sniffing] it smells like easter eggs in here.
girl: what the fuck do easter eggs smell like?
boy: you know, when you dye eggs to hide them for sunday morning.
girl: yeah, yeah i know. but it doesn't fucking smell like vinegar here.
boy: i know it's not vinegar. i said easter eggs.

A True Question of Faith

2006-04-11T16:12:00.000-07:00

Girl: So if I were a Scientologist would I be able to get teeth pulled?

mixed messages

2006-04-02T13:03:00.000-07:00

boy: what's your shirt say? "ok go"? what's that?
girl: umm, it's the name of a band.
boy: oh. so it doesn't mean your easy?

walkin on broken glass

2006-03-31T23:30:00.000-08:00

girl 1: don't you just love these shoes? i mean, they are killing me. but they're fabulous!
girl 2: yeah, they definitely look great. i bought mine today and i'm loving them too.
girl 1: you know, i'm starting to have a thing for brown and blue. like these shoes. and the ones i bought for my dress tomorrow. but those are like 5 inches high. so worth it. i mean shoes, they mean everything to the outfit.
girl 2: totally.

modern day version of the last supper

2006-03-11T20:12:00.000-08:00

(on a rousing saturday night)

boy: so you go keep working on your paper. i'm going to go downstairs and play cards with a couple of priests. talk to you later.

the two of you can help me out by shutting the fuck up...and bringing me my vibrator

2006-03-10T19:59:00.000-08:00

(in the stacks)

guy: go down there and see...
girl: i was just there. there are people everywhere.
guy: baby help me out here...cmon, baby, please?

i got nothing.

2006-03-10T19:50:00.000-08:00

girl (to friend): your salads always have the most distinctive smell. i think its the vinegar and tuna. so from now on whenever i dye easter eggs or eat pussy, i will think of you.

she's got sole

2006-03-03T17:02:00.000-08:00

girl 1: hey. can you smell this cup? does it smell like fish?
girl 2: umm. well, it depends. what kind of fish?
girl 1: like sole.
girl 2: then yeah. it does. i used to work at a fish house.

title IX?

2006-02-28T22:24:00.000-08:00

guy: god i just hope i dont have any daughters
girl: thats horrible-why not
guy: because they won't be strong enough for my militia

undiscovered

2006-02-14T19:48:00.000-08:00

girl: so it's just really great that im not surrounded by models everyday... you know? i mean it's true.

they dont make a conversation heart for that?

2006-02-14T17:40:00.000-08:00

guy: so i guess id better call all those women by whom i had children now

what happened to shaking hands?

2006-02-12T13:03:00.000-08:00

drunk girl: look this is going to take five seconds. i just want to say hi, suck him off and then we can leave.

not gonna miss a thing

2006-02-12T12:59:00.000-08:00

drunk girl to the cover band: so stephen tyler is living his dream, what about yours? what do you say to your mother? will you dedicate the show to me?

the orient has EVERYTHING

2006-02-12T12:57:00.000-08:00

dude 1: well we cant get into the hockey game...im in the mood for pizza! YEA GUYS LETS GET CHINESE!

should have been a tight rope walker

2006-02-12T08:51:00.000-08:00

girl 1: god! i'm so sick of this!
girl 2: what?
girl 1: these are my $200 jeans and i keep falling in them!

where are you hiding, george mcardle?

2006-02-11T16:28:00.000-08:00

boy: so, uhh, do you want to get out of here?
girl: no, not really.
boy: okay. well, where do you live?
girl: well, i'm staying at the sugar shack
boy: hey. that's my room.

chock full of estrogen in every bite!

2006-02-08T23:22:00.000-08:00

girl 1: hey is that a cookie?
girl 2: no, its my birthcontrol.

cock shit fuck balls

2006-02-06T14:46:00.000-08:00

kid 1: yeah, i just love him. he's great.
kid 2: yeah, he has that alpha theta charm about him.
kid 1: of course, and that borderline tourettes syndrome.

no naked pillow fights?

2006-02-05T12:39:00.000-08:00

sweet dude: yea, i mean the only real reason i really rushed and live in the house is so that we can share clothes.

guys only want one...good conversation

2006-01-29T16:43:00.000-08:00

upon approaching 3 girls at a party

boy: so what are your names?
3 girls: [answer]
boy: where are you from?
3 girls: [answer]
boy: how do you all know each other?
3 girls: [discuss amongst themselves their connections]
boy: oh fuck this shit

anger management 101

2006-01-29T16:42:00.000-08:00

girl: god, sometimes i wish i could just kick a little kid. you know, when they come up to about knee height. kabam! anyone?

irony is totally the new stay at home dad

2006-01-26T23:37:00.000-08:00

(while mopping the floor)

boy: look, i dont appease people. i WILL NOT demasculate myself within an inch of my life.

but do the herpes have syphilis?

2006-01-26T21:16:00.001-08:00

girl: you're going to be sleeping with bugs and herpes. whatever, its going to be cheap.

amen.

2006-01-26T21:16:00.000-08:00

dude: go forth and have a meaningful day.

geography major?

2006-01-24T17:36:00.000-08:00

girl 1: do any girls even dip?
girl 2: he said it's a more sweet tasting Swedish dip. so i guess it's popular with a lot of girls in Switzerland.

ay carumba

2006-01-23T10:26:00.000-08:00

08 boy: if you didn't know he was gay before, just listen to him speak spanish

Pearls of 09 wisdom

2006-01-21T08:19:00.000-08:00

Cames Jaballero: stupid fucking broads

Intrests: Having a quality time
Favorite Quote: "I don't give a fuck if there's police out there/I don't give a fuck if it's snowing/I just need you out there hoeing"

Balanced Diet

2006-01-18T22:35:00.000-08:00

07 girl: so when i'm at dartmouth, i binge on the sandwich, chips, pickle, fro-yo deal. but when i'm home, i totally stick to mustard.

good night good luck

2006-01-18T14:45:00.000-08:00

girl: we used to makeout with pillows...but we never performed oral sex on them

Fat lip

2006-01-16T20:22:00.000-08:00

girl: it's campus news that she's the make out bandit biter

Get out much?

2006-01-16T20:20:00.000-08:00

girl 1: was she foreign?
girl 2: no, she was blonde

Yayo for Rush

2006-01-16T20:18:00.000-08:00

concerning Kappa initiation

new pledge: i bet my big sister will just make me do 5 lines and run around in my underwear

What a cut of meat from the thigh of a hog

2006-01-16T20:14:00.000-08:00

turning to the guy next in line

girl in FC: excuse me, what's ham?

Atrophied Muscle Car

2006-01-16T10:35:00.000-08:00

Guy (looking at newspaper): Is that a Camaro? It's so ugly.
Girl: That's a Buick.

originality sin

2006-01-13T07:27:00.000-08:00

(as pitched to the d)

heff sterbert: so i have this fantastic idea where i record what i overhear awk randos say heehee YAY!

stick with drugs

2006-01-11T12:37:00.000-08:00

boy: there are those friends that you hug...and then those that you hug LONGER

Reality TV

2006-01-11T10:10:00.000-08:00

08 rocker: so i bought a tv the other day. i figured it'd help me get a boyfriend.

sleeping your way to the top?

2006-01-10T18:19:00.000-08:00

08 kappa: yea so like I think it would be totally great to be like PRESIDENT
girl: i didnt know you were into politics
08 kappa: No haha! like of Kappa!

b-side

2006-01-06T14:53:00.000-08:00

(upon staring at the oddly shorn tree)

guy 1: i dont get what happened to the christmas tree
guy 2: yea dude, its a total hanukkah bush

true story

2005-12-04T22:09:00.000-08:00

girl: so then i grabbed his penis, and thats when he ran out of the room.

Clearly the solution to the problem...

2005-12-04T11:15:00.000-08:00

Girl 1: She's sooo pissed off... It's just because she's wasted though, so she's going for a drive.

just friends

2005-11-30T18:20:00.000-08:00

girl: so like we're friends you know? well not friends, but like friend friends, and we're really not that close.

Maybe if you followed the advice from The Proclaimers hit song...

2005-11-29T20:41:00.000-08:00

Girl walking up stairs eating a banana: I feel like if you eat while you're walking it negates the food.

and its not one and the same?

2005-11-14T07:27:00.000-08:00

girl: look hes just a bad blitzer not a bad person...

spellbound

2005-11-13T10:25:00.000-08:00

girl 1: i was never really THAT good at anything.

girl 2: oh. i was pretty great at spelling...til i blew out my knee

martha stuart would have approved

2005-11-12T21:05:00.000-08:00

girl: so then i was like yea...im going to go play pong. and then im going to drive home... so maybe ill smoke your homeade crack another night?

stress ball?

2005-11-01T10:06:00.000-08:00

girl 1: you know its just been one of those days
girl 2: yea?
girl 1: yea like when you just want to beat the crap out of a midget

They Never Lose Their Game

2005-10-23T09:24:00.000-07:00

(hitting on an 08)

'97 tuck grad/business lawyer: can you smile for me baby? you have a beautiful smile. you must get losers dumped on you all the time....so is this gonna happen tonight or not?

romance at dartmouth

2005-10-23T09:22:00.000-07:00

(couple holding hands)

boyfriend: you know im really starting to feel comfortable around you...like im not as scared or weirded out as i was before

dreams can come true

2005-10-23T09:02:00.000-07:00

boy: i always imagined id be on a couch with a girl who had her shirt off and alcohol all over her boobs, but i never imagined it would be quite like this.

A Rude Awakening

2005-10-23T08:56:00.000-07:00

(upon being woken up from a drunken stupor by an angry girl)

Guy: i know why you hate me. youre on of HER friends.

yo melissa!

2005-10-02T13:04:00.000-07:00

girl: god i just hate boys
girl 2: yea man, but like you could totally rock lesbiansim

screw the "im a brother here" line

2005-09-24T10:43:00.000-07:00

at a capella auditions

09 boy: maaan, all id have to do is say i sing a capella and id get so much pussy.

yea and then groove to some bitchin tunes

2005-09-24T10:39:00.000-07:00

09 boy (to 08 girl he does not know): oh sweet ok so when you see phil tell him there are jello shots at chi gam!

yea and guess what else only has 70 cal a load?

2005-09-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

drunk girl: ok, so who wants me to spray whipped cream in their mouth?
(silence)
drunk girl: oh cmon guys! dont worry! its totally low cal!

she clearly went to the same med school as dr. phil

2005-09-24T10:31:00.000-07:00

girl: yea man. when you have different sized boobs, it means you have the clap. its like a totally dead give away.

budlight presents: real students of genius

2005-09-24T10:28:00.000-07:00

08 girl: you know, when i drink budlight...i like pee budlight

burning in heaven

2005-09-20T14:55:00.000-07:00

oh OH. look whos back?!

my dad runs a tight ship

2005-07-22T13:54:00.000-07:00

i know i said i wouldnt update, but this was a great one. also, im bored.

(one the phone)
one of my dads esteemed employees: yea hehee, did i tell you i have crack. i have A LOT of crack. aha yes. crack.

if i hadnt been stuffed in the dimly lit "workstation" where they used to keep office supplies...i think i would have CRACKED up. yea.

i think ill just go home.

summer lovin

2005-06-10T10:49:00.000-07:00

overheard is officially on break.
unless of course people are interested in the random things my dad says on his conference calls.

"well what jack said to martin is not what he said to you...its a blatent lie...oh jeez...the real question is that whether or not they have a particular person assigned to each task...wow"

and on that note
see you in september!

Truly the Saddest Songs of Our Time

2005-06-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

Girl: Ace of Base makes me cry.

child, lets be fair...

2005-06-06T18:27:00.000-07:00

(in defense of his grim hookup history)

Guy: you know how most people have like beer goggles? well i have like..like...beer BLINDERS!

actually youre just a vagina

2005-06-06T18:23:00.000-07:00

Guy 1: dude she has a hot body
Guy 2: nah...i dont know... im more of a face kind of guy
Guy 1: ok
Guy 2: except for when im drunk, then im just a vagina guy

College Student Truth

2005-06-06T02:13:00.000-07:00

Girl: Life smells.

and shes got SASS

2005-06-05T17:33:00.000-07:00

girl 1: i have that same skirt!
girl:2: no youve got STYLE.

since we live in the real world...

2005-06-05T15:42:00.000-07:00

08 girl: so yea, then out of the blue he invited me to play pong and i guess he just really meant having sex...

we ought to have known...

2005-06-05T15:18:00.000-07:00

08 girl: (looking at iTunes play counts) Dude, I only listened to "You Oughta Know" 183 times on loop last weekend.
friend: (doing calculations) ummmm, if it's about a 4 minute song, doesn't that mean that you listened to it for over 12 hours?
08 girl: Oh. yeah. I guess that's about right.

double your trouble...

2005-06-04T21:14:00.000-07:00

girl 1: man you have DRAMA
girl 2 no its just me being a two timing floozy

Hooking Up 101 for '08 Guys

2005-06-04T18:11:00.000-07:00

Girl: I don't get how that kid gets girls.

Guy: He gets really, really drunk girls.

The Dartmouth Mindset

2005-06-04T17:14:00.000-07:00

Guy 1: It's os hard to study in this hot weather. It feels like I'm on vacation.

Guy 2: You are on vacation. You're on a four year vacation in the woods of New Hampshire where we get drunk all the time.

Pitch In!... or not

2005-06-04T16:16:00.000-07:00

So, one of the trash bins on the Collis porch is taller than the swinging door you're supposed to put the trash through, causing the door to hit the bin inside so it can't open. It's pretty amusing to watch students repeatedly push their plastic containers and paper cups into the "Thank You" flap that won't budge.

Someone For Everyone

2005-06-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

Guy: He's kind of hot...

Girl: He is?

Guy: Yeah... in that Nordie-type of way.

when the cup is half full...youve had enough

2005-06-04T12:29:00.000-07:00

Girl: FUCK, i gained 20 pounds this year
Guy: thats pretty good. most girls can only gain like 15

and they thought it was a pink eye epidemic...

2005-06-03T19:18:00.000-07:00

Guy: dude, you look really tired.
Guy 2: yeah i got like 2 hours of sleep maybe.
Guy: your eyes are like really red.
Guy 2: yea i've been rubbing them in cocaine

dartmouth's esteemed honor principle

2005-06-03T18:07:00.000-07:00

(about studying econ)

Girl: You know there comes a time when you just hope you know it...or make sure you sit next to someone who does.

Cutting Back on Fats, Carbs, and Fetuses

2005-06-03T17:38:00.000-07:00

Guy: Did you lose weight or something?

Girl: Yeah, well, I decided to get the abortion.

Oh, America's Dairyland...

2005-06-03T17:35:00.000-07:00

Girl from Wisconsin: Everyone is just kinda fat and everyone is just kinda happy.

Artificial Insemination... Dartmouth Style

2005-06-03T13:35:00.000-07:00

Girl 1 (on having a hot tub at Dartmouth): It would just be a jizzpot. You would get in and immediately give birth.

A True Champ

2005-06-03T13:32:00.000-07:00

Girl 1(about compulsively changing her pillow case): I just can't stand having my face next to anything that hasn't been cleaned for several hours.

Girl 2: How do you give head?

Girl 1: I can suck it up.

congratufuckinlations

2005-06-03T12:06:00.001-07:00

so its spring time at dartmouth and clearly animal magnetism is running high.
one happy couple just took the big leap this morning when some overly romantic tool dragged his sweetheart up moosilauke and proposed to her at sunrise.
clearly an engagement at sea level is too much of a cliche.

frankly i think i would have enjoyed the exata zzzs and slept in.

True Film Buff

2005-06-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

(While watching American Beauty)

Guy: Why are you guys watching this? It's so depressing.

Girl: No, it's great. It resonates.

Is Brine a Good Electricity Conductor?

2005-06-02T21:23:00.000-07:00

Guy (to girl eating a pickle): Did you just drip pickle juice on my power source?

drop it like its hot.

2005-06-02T16:20:00.000-07:00

Girl 1: "i don't have any summer clothes"
Girl 2: "we're only going to be here like 2 more days. do you mean you don't have summer clothes here or at home?"
Girl 1: "i don't think i have summer clothes at home either"
Girl 2: ....
Girl 1: "see, the thing is, i don't wear clothes in the summer that much"

Does EBA's Have That?

2005-06-01T19:15:00.000-07:00

(On going out and getting laid)

Girl: Sometimes I wish I could just order in.

Yeah, I'm sure that's the reason...

2005-06-01T18:56:00.000-07:00

07 Kappa: I think God's trying to punish me. I mean, I've never had a boyfriend in my entire life... and my standards are LOW.

Caught With Their...

2005-06-01T13:14:00.000-07:00

The scene: a guy and girl are in in the Bema. Belt buckles and sexual noises are heard. Another guy and girl are also in the Bema, fully clothed, sitting apart from each other. An S&S car drives up, headlights on, revealing both pairs. The officer gets out of the car and goes directly to the guy and girl who were clearly fooling around.

S&S Officer: Do you really want to know why I asked you guys for ID and not them? I mean, I could get descriptive if you want...

would you like some ivy with that whine?

2005-05-31T21:02:00.001-07:00

girl (about the crappy dorm room drawers): this is bullshit! im NOT AT BU!

What Would Freud Say?

2005-05-31T18:32:00.000-07:00

(Through blitz)

Girl Composer: ...haha, that or I'm gonna end up sleeping with my boss at home...

Girl Recipient: uh... aren't you working for your dad?

a girl's best friend...

2005-05-31T17:12:00.000-07:00

08 girl: like i dont want to makeout with him. i just want put him on a leash and walk him around.

how utterly profound

2005-05-31T11:08:00.000-07:00

girl (to classmate): yea well i put an esoteric joke in my paper

classmate: oh really?

girl: yea, but im the only one who will get it

The Imperialism Effect

2005-05-31T10:55:00.000-07:00

Indian Student (to white student): Do you think our relationship is based on a post-colonialism inferiority complex on my part?

Study Break

2005-05-31T08:24:00.000-07:00

everyone has been mumbling recently which makes life a lot more boring.

so while you wait for someone to say something absurd, may i suggest watching the construction outside novak?
there are trucks and big piles of rocks and dirt and of course a whole number of construction workers worthy of any desperate sexual fantasy.
...as if this campus really needed another place reeling with overinflated testosterone.

Almost Legal

2005-05-30T20:08:00.000-07:00

Girl(to girls who are obviously still in high school): Do you guys go to school here?
High School Girl: Umm... yeah... no.
Girl: So how old are you guys?
High School Girl: 18... almost.

The Aggressive Pacifist

2005-05-30T09:45:00.000-07:00

Frat Brother: I'm a pacifist now.
Girl: Didn't you almost get in a fight with that kid?
Frat Brother: But I didn't, did I? See, pacifism!

thank god for the men's swim team

2005-05-30T09:12:00.000-07:00

care package card:

roses are red
violets are blue
STUDY YOUR ASS OFF
(we love you)

05s really are the new 08s

2005-05-29T19:33:00.000-07:00

style props to the 05 chi gam whos sporting the choates shirt from yesterdays all freshman bbq.

and absolutely nothing to the representatives from sae for their bee suit antics in novak. those went out when shannon hoon died.
if youre going to do anything, grow some balls and take your clothes off.

Smooth Talker

2005-05-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

Frat Brother (to 08 girl): I can talk the Committee of Standards out of their britches... you better be careful, baby, I can talk you out of yours, too.

what a long strange trip its been

2005-05-29T18:56:00.000-07:00

uga: "ok so then you take your stuff over to little...and it's really important..."

resident: "viv why are you yelling?"